Chris.

He's fucking stupid.

So sleepy...

I  wish my brain would help me out a little bit when it comes to sleeping without anyone in the room. You'd figure if I were eighteen (going on nineteen) I would be a little bit more mature when it comes to my sleeping habits. Nope, still have the same mentality I had since I was a little girl. Can't sleep without Jeremy in the room. Makes me feel safe and comfortable. I pass out within minutes. I just tried to go to sleep at 11PM and woke up at 12:30AM. Woke up with hot flashes from hayl. Fell asleep at 1AM and woke up minutes ago. Can't sleep without him. I get scared. Of what, you might ask? Lots of things. Monsters and other stupid stuff my grown ass shouldn't be thinking about. I used to be able to asleep alone for a few years, but when I met Jeremy, the immaturity really came out in me. He's still helping his dad at the moment and I can't go in there to ask him to come back here to help me get back to sleep cause I'm done trying to explain shit to that sturbborn ass man. It's useless and there's no point in trying to reason with him. I just want sleep.

But on a rare happy note,
I get to go see my family and friends in Columbia tomorrow (technically today xD).
It will help me get away from the oven and his dad and step mom for a while.
I get snowballs. xD
And it distracts me from the fact that there is a high chance I'm giving birth to my first baby next month.
Latahz.

Aggitated boredom that makes me want to punch someone's Grandma in the face.

  Welp, I haven't been able to sit down with Jeremy for 30 minutes or less for about a week now and it's making me want to punch him in the face. xD He hasn't gone to bed with me or any of that shit at night either cause he stays up till' nine in the morning with his dad on the computer at home business shit and wakes up at one in the afternoon and starts on the crap again and he wonders why I pitch a bitch fit over just 30 damn minutes of 'together time'. It would be nice to play a game with him or watch a movie or something. When I'm doing almost absolutely nothing with my time cause there ain't shit to do that's enjoyable without him and I'm hot as hell in this trailer.

Anyway, I have to deal with a bad as hell five year from next door that is Jeremy's cousin and she's cute and adorable as mess but she will not fucking take no, don't, or stop for an answer. If I'm doing school work, amazingly, nobody is watching her and she comes in the room with me fucking up my concentration and shit by asking me where my make up is and she wants to play in my perfumes and play games she needs help with every two seconds by asking me questions. Mrs. Sherry is supposed to be watching her for her momma that works at school for a little bit and she doesn't do anything while I'm doing my school work and neither does Jeremy. It really pisses me off. Espcially when he's all, "How much work did you get done today?" And I answer him that I haven't had the chance and he's all, "Why?! You know we're gonna have to get this done in a couple days!" Cause he fucking knows Cameron won't sit still or be quiet and follows me every where but he has the gall to get upset or angry with my lack of productivity as far as school work goes. RAWR.

I feel like I'm turning into a really bitter and angry person. I used to not be like this at all. My sense of humor has almost completely vanished because my anger and nerves being shot prevents any laughing time at all any more because of certain expectations that I have. Jeremy doesn't ever fucking fully understand why I love Columbia so much. It's like he's completely focused on being around other people there and having fun and crap with them rather than making the effort to help me out here. It makes me jealous. I feel like my headache/anxiety meds are the only thing getting me by day and night and I'm struggling with just them doing the trick.

He recently promised me he would spend more time with me but hasn't kept that promise. Not even in the slightest bit. But enough anger ranting for now.... for fucking now. xD

I'm getting garlic bread and spaghetti this evening (COOKED BY MOI :D) and it's my favorite and even if he decides not to spend time with me, I'll force his also retarded brother to play my current favorite game, Borderlands 2 with me tonight and then we'll watch a scary movie or something. It would be nice to do this things with Jeremy a bit more but oh well. Blogging rather than blowing up at him really helps as a release, even if nobody's viewing this whiney ass/poorly written shit. d:

New shit. xD

Havent blogged in so freaking long it's not even funny. Oh, well. It's not like anybody reads this shit anways. xD But I shall give a quick summary of what has happened since my last one.

       Welp.

I'm pregnant now. xD 7 months, 3 weeks. And with a boy :D I'm in my second semester of college, taking online classes at a community college. I live with my boyfriend, his dad, and his step mom about an hour and 45 minutes away from my mom. I miss her bunches but Jeremy thinks that it's better for the baby to live in this environment. I have no current job and neither does he but we're struggling at the moment to get a vehicle because it's impossible to live 15-20 minutes away from anything to be able to get a job without one. Jeremy is the guy I mentioned in my first blog and I have accomplished making that retard mine. ;D But I am preggasaurus-rex now and it is bittersweet for me because of the circumstances and consequences that come with having a baby. I wanted to share some of this to vent.

(1.) I live in a trailer with no surrounding trees which means my end of the trailer is like a fucking oven. Especially when she who is naturally freezing all the time has the heater on constantly. I'm pregnant and have elevated blood pressure and hot flashes from hayl. So, shit sucks when you wake up from little sleep (forcefully) because your tongue is swollen, mouth is dry, and you've lost the ability to sweat because you're so dehydrated from the heat and dry air. I basically almost never have any control over the air and can't bring my air unit and pay Jeremy's dad to let me breathe comfortably in my room during my pregnancy for no reason. -__- He's a stubborn son'bish.

(2.) Jeremy and I fight or argue constantly now. Almost every time we have any free time together and I finally exploded the other night while crying during telling him this. It's usually about the reasons I really dislike it here or the lack of optimism in people. I've been with Jeremy for almost two years and we're never seperated. Constantly always together but lately I only get to see him for about 30 minutes out of the day cause he's always with his dad helping him with his recently found internet business to get rich quick. xD

(3.) I'm always hungry. It sucks when you have no money to buy your own food when you're extremely picky and your household runs out of food stamps the second they get them to buy a lot of shit you don't eat and then, later, you have nothing to eat when you have to wait for the food stamps to start over.

I'll name some more reasons of why I hate it here later when people aren't awake and could see the shit I'm writing and take offense to it. xD

But for me to be happy,
I need to be fed,
I need to be entertained,
I need to be productive,
I need social activity,
and I need variety.

Which, those things are extremely hard to come across here. >.< Except for when Ralph was here. Ralph is me and Jeremy's friend along with Chris'. Chris is Jeremy's brother who is still here but shall be leaving Saturday when we both leave for Columbia for a visit to see my momma :D But I shall update this later, when I have the strength, focus, and nobody's around. :D