Just a Quick Rant
Last night, was absolute hell for me and I was in so much pain it's not even funny. My sister, Savannah was going off on to me about how I treat my friend, Jonathon like shit even though he's in love with me. Bullshit. Not true at all. It's retarded that she even said that, Savannah and Sam forced me to get out of the house a few days ago to go with Jonathon to seminary, that I would feel better if I did. They lie, Jonathon lied when he said it too. So, he got really depressed like he usually does on a daily basis and I asked him what was wrong and I got, "Man, fuck life." So, I said, "Jonathon, didn't you say that you would help cheer me up?" And his reply? "Shit happens."
Now, let me take a minute to describe to you in better detail how incredibly optimistic I am. He ALWAYS does the depressed shit and I'm always there to cheer him up and make him feel better. When everyone around me is depressed, I always go to them and try to help them with their problems. I held Sam when he was crying cause Savannah broke up with his ass (twice, I've done that). But if I'm fucking sad around my house, I'm labeled with a mental disorder and I feel weak minded and crazy if I cry. I'm forced to take medication to help my "depression" that a doctor who barely talked to me diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder and I have to see a therapist every 2 weeks. I was raped when I was 7, molested when I was 14,15,16, and 17 and one time was recently. NOBODY heard me complain about that shit. I always keep myself bright and happy for the benefit of others and it stresses me out to know people worry about me. Dunno why exactly, but I don't wanna stress them out cause of me sad about a little thing.
Anyway, back to Jonathon at Seminary. I got angry and I didn't want to be an asshole to someone at their own house that's not within walking distance back to my house, so I was going to drink a little hard alcohol until I was a little tipsy so I could keep my mind off it. Seven shots later, I didn't feel the effects at all and I went outside and just watched the stars. I don't know when but my drunkeness finally kicked in and I was stumbling all over the place and shit, after that Jonathon came out with a loaded gun to his head and I was screaming and crying for him to stop and he kept calling me a heartless bitch and he's doing it because of me and looked back at me and saw me shaking and he sighed and went inside and I called Lacey and she gave me this guy I think I'm in love with's number and I called him ranting to him that I'm sorry for being drunk and I love you and blah blah blah.
So, me being drunk also fucked me over royally (crown royal, haha xD) when it came to the person I like's best friend and my friend, but they Jeremy stays at Kyle's and I get to spend the night with both of them and it makes me happy, but since Kyle found out that I called Jeremy drunk, he's pretty much banning my ass from his house. Like he did last time.
Last night, I tried to go and talk to Sam and he pissed me off and basically told me that it doesn't matter if I think I'm unhappy and life's not fair, I still have to suck it up and get over with it, which is what I do ALL the time and I get absolutely no credit for it and it pisses me off and my ass started crying again and we got in a fight and jazz.
I've done more crying in the past few days than I have in the past few months. -_- I feel all stupid again. I just really need to see my Lacey. But anyway, I have my supah awesome fran'z Braxton and Brett coming over in a few minutes and we'z gonna hang out, so I shall blog latahz :3
SEND ME A COMMENT OR SOMETHING, BRUH BRUH! >.<
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