My random ass introduction:
So, to start off, I hate peanut butter with a fiery passion so intense that you'll want to punch your grandma in the stomach repeatedly. I was born in 1994 on the fourth of April and I'm 17 years old :D Pretty neat considering the fact that I have a shit ton of fours in my birthday. Why is that neat? Let's just say Japanese people are extremely superstitious and would not take kindly to me if I told them my birthday xD Speaking of Japan, I'M SO GOING THERE ONE DAY. LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN MUCH LESS KNOW HOW SERIOUS I BE. >:O I want kimonos, kotatsus, sakura trees, etc. :DD
Currently I am...:
I'm a high school drop out, getting my GED, and working at a snowball stand. I haven't really achieved that much through anybody else's point of view, but I have to have faith in whatever things that I struggle with. For example, I used to do drugs every chance I could get. Adderall, Marijuana, etc. I used to drink a shit ton too. I still struggle with those things but at least I'm making the effort to get better. I'm a chain smoker at the moment and I used to have chewing tobacco all the time.
Point is, I'm easily addicted to things that make my life by any means, easier. Even if most people thinks it's pathetic. I was raised to the extent of where I automatically distract myself from any sort of emotional pain cause I'm afraid to be upset or cry. I guess you can say I'm a little bit TOO optimistic. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sugar coating myself out to be this awesome person that is happy all the time. I'm depressed cause I can't be openly depressed and my family fucked me over royally in that way. I have major insomnia cause of my depression, I claw my skin in neurotic, nervous break downs, I bottle up my emotions to the point where after a LONG time, I can't stop crying for like 30 mins without making a sound. It sounds pretty pitiful, doesn't it? Well, you can take your pity and shove it up your ass cause I don't expect any of it. I'm really grateful for what I've gone through in my life but I'm content with the fact that some people have less coping skills than I do. So, when I need a release,... lately, I just turn to a cigarette. Better than a lot of things I've wanted to try... I've had several offers of really hard drugs. I'm pretty sure I'll get better with my addictions as I grow older and mature and I'm out of this shit environment.
Today's Adventure of Magical Retardation :D
I was with my friend, Karen and we talked about a bunch of junk when it came to romance and it really helped me realize my feelings for a guy. Yeah, typical of a 17 year old girl to talk about boys, huh? Well, fuck you too. >:O I'm different. I don't ever say I'm in love with a guy and I've known this one for months without being in a relationship with him and I'm pretty damn sure I have some intense feelings for him. I RARELY get in relationships and I really wish this guy would accept my feelings for him. If only he would realize how incredibly special, beautiful, and hysterical he is to me. -_- But I guess that's the way life is, you don't always get what you want... but I really don't feel like shrugging this off. Anyway, when I see him this weekend when I go get my friend, Lacey, he's going to spend the night at my house and I'm going to make damn sure he knows how much he means to me in two separate ways ;D Fuckin' suggestive winkeh face FTW xD But anyway, I love Karen to death. She makes me feel like a normal girl again when I talk to her about romantic topics.
Questions, concerns, or comments?
If you want to ask me anything, feel free to do so. I love taking advice :D And my question of today's blog is: How do I explain to someone that I might be in love with them without being pushy about it?
